she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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