You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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