It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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