Your favorite bartender is back from prision
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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