dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
