If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
