Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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