You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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