so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
