Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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