i jhust puked up my retainher.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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