I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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