No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
