tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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