We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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