i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
