Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
