you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
