When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
