it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
