Capitaan dildo arrescate!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
