it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
