y did u give ur computer a hand job?
420 ftw
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
