somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
