he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
