I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
