I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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