I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
