I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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