heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
