I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
