New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
