Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
