god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
