You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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