two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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