capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
