Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
