I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
did i walk over a car last night?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
