Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
