Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
