So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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