Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
