I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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