like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
