k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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