our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
