i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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