If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
