Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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